


Alone

by dreyars



Category: Final Fantasy XV
Genre: Anxiety, Basically I finished the game for the first time and got sad so here is this, Ignis and Noctis are here too but they're sleeping, Introspection, Other, Spiraling Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-29
Updated: 2020-06-29
Packaged: 2021-03-04 03:34:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,161
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24986902
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dreyars/pseuds/dreyars
Summary: Alone.What a terrifying word.---Prompto has had a rough day and stayed up too late to mull over his feelings of self-doubt and self-importance by the fire.
Relationships: None, implied Prompto / Gladio
Comments: 2
Kudos: 15





	Alone

There had been enough days, too many nights, spent in fear, fire, alone.

Too many moments, too many seconds passed in quiet, darkness, solitude.

Physically. 

Isolated.

Forgotten? 

Perhaps, forgotten was the worst of all. 

There was nothing he hated more, nothing worse than to relive those moments, those hours he couldn’t escape. The thoughts he couldn’t outrun.

Prompto knew who he was...or at least, who he wanted to be. But how could he ever be certain?

So much of who he was, who he _is_ has been predetermined, decided by the influences of other people.

People who may, or may not, be there the next day to continue helping him be who he wants to be.

From his personality, right down to the very makeup of his DNA, he was someone else’s creation.

He was created not out of love, but out of greed, to satisfy someone else’s goals and desires. That lack of love in his conception, and for the years of time after, fueled his desire to fill that emptiness in his soul that had been there from the day he drew his first breath, and would remain until the day he sputtered out his last.

The emptiness.

The dark seed of doubt and fear and loneliness that always plagued a small corner of his mind, no matter what he did to bring brightness into his life.

He changed himself, based on what he thought others would want him to be. Based on what he thought others could _love_. 

As a son. A partner. A friend. A _brother_.

But did he even deserve any of those titles?

Sometimes it was hard not to doubt himself.

To sit beside the dying fire, running his fingers over the cold stone of the newest haven that they had discovered. Letting the encroaching darkness consume his mind. 

It was hard sometimes.

Most of the time.

To not begin the old cycle. 

The spiral that he always worked so hard to get himself back to the top of, that he was boosted out of by his friends carrying his dead weight on their backs. Before he would inevitably slide back down to the bottom of the hole, twisting and turning as he so desperately tried to find something to hold on to.

Anything.

Anything at all that would make him feel like he was worth something more than a comedic relief.

Because sometimes, it felt as though that was all he was.

He wasn’t smart.

He wasn’t strong.

He didn’t even have the same experience or training Gladio and Ignis had as lifelong members of the royal retinue. 

There were alot of things that he wasn’t, and one major thing that constantly called to him that he was.

Nothing.

Nothing.

Nothing more than a burden, a hindrance, the one thing holding them back from reaching their party’s goal. 

Maybe, if it wasn’t for him, Ignis wouldn’t look so tired at the end of every day.

Maybe, if it wasn’t for him, Gladio wouldn’t have stepped in the line of fire today. To protect he who couldn’t protect himself.

Maybe Noctis would have made a friend more befitting of a prince. His few assets weren’t unique, and could easily be recreated in another person more befitting of this position.

No, no, _no._

There he goes again.

Right back to the bottom.

Pressing his hands against his bruised ribs, an injury not worth wasting a potion on, Prompto looked up at the night sky, trying to center himself. 

The white smoke of their fire, curling up in translucent tendrils against the starry sky. The sharp scent of the burning wood, stinging his nose and warming his face as a cool breeze dusted across his skin. 

A deep breath right now would help, but would result in a gasp from the pain of his injury, or a cough from the smoke, and he didn’t want to wake everyone after such a long day, so he inhaled slightly, until the top of his chest felt full of something besides his thoughts, before releasing the negativity into the darkness.

Darkness that would be chased away by the morning sun in a few hours, as daylight poked her pretty head over the horizon.

Staring up at the stars, shining like crystals across the night sky, Prompto inhaled again, trying to dislodge the heavy feeling of self-doubt that had settled itself low in his stomach. The pain in his heart matched the pain in his spine as he laid out across the cool stone, arms spread wide as he willed the universe to take these feelings away from him, because he so _desperately_ wanted to belong. 

And to come with belonging, is the feeling of being wanted. To have no voices in your head, telling you that you meant nothing to those you loved the most. To have an eternal crack in your heart, that nothing good ever quite fit, leaving always the slightest little hole that was the gaping reminder that you were broken. 

Even if you had already been put back together again.

Most of the time, all he needed was a reminder. 

A few words. 

A good natured punch on the shoulder.

A smile that came from the heart and shone through in his friends eyes to remind him.

He was chosen. 

Among all the young men from the Crown City, he was chosen to stand by their side.

Maybe it was luck. Maybe fate. Or more than likely, an unending level of compassion and stupidity on Noctis’s part to become friends with a guy like him. 

To be chosen, that alone meant to belong exactly where you were, and who you were with. 

To be chosen meant he wasn’t alone, even on the darkest nights, when he was left with nothing more than his thoughts and a night sky to entertain his insomnia. 

Prompto was not the kind of man to be written into prophecies. 

Never would an oracle would speak with the Six on his behalf.

He would earn no statues, never be remembered in the footnotes of a history book.

And yet, despite the simplicity of his nature, or the shame of his birth, he was chosen by the friends who snoozed soundly in the tent behind his head.

He couldn’t change who he was beyond the superfluous, and yet, they had picked him to accompany them on this trip that would lead him to a world he had not returned to since infancy.

He had been given the blessing of a king, sworn to protect his son, with nothing more to give in return than his heart and friendship. 

The thought made him smile, as a snore that was undeniably Noctis’s cut through the relative silence of the night. 

A calmness settled over his heart as a daemon howled in the distance, the sound jolting him out of his perpetual introspection long enough to remind himself that he was exactly where he was supposed to be. Or rather, approximately ten feet away from where he was supposed to be, as he should have joined the others an hour ago.

But, he couldn’t. For his own thoughts provided an insurmountable barrier that constantly brought up more trouble for him than reality.

Rocking back up into a sitting position, Prompto felt his shoulders stiffen as one of his friends roused, joining him by the campfire. 

Holding his jaw in one hand, and ruffling Prompto’s hair with the other, Gladio plopped down into the camp chair closest to him, letting out a deep sigh as a gust of wind sent the loose embers from their fire twirling into the night sky.

“Noct’s spreading got you punched in the face again?” Prompto said with a quiet laugh, allowing his usual joviality to mask the feelings that continued to swirl around his head. 

With a grumble, Gladio looked off into the night, the ink black lake in the distance shining like glass in the moonlight. “Don’t know how you teach a prince that is used to king sized beds to not sprawl out in a tent, but we need to figure it out soon or I’m going to lose my mind.”

Prompto winced in sympathy and rubbed his own jaw, having been the victim of a rogue Noctis slap in the middle of the night one too many times. 

The pair sat together for a few moments, Prompto appreciating the silence, and the distraction from his thoughts that Gladio provided, even if few words slipped between the two of them.

“So....” Because of course, silence was always a temporary thing, unlike the deep roots of loneliness that clung to his heart and refused to release. “Can’t sleep, or did you never come to bed?”

Prompto laughed, shielding the expression on his face by looking away, pretending he heard something in the brush next to where they made camp. It would be so easy to lie, but Gladio always knew better and reminded him that he always looked like a guilty five year old who had stolen a chocolate bar from the store when he tried. 

“You look like you’ve been thinking again.”

Was he really such an open book? Did he really let his thoughts loose to torture no one but himself often enough that his friends could tell when he had been beating himself up?

Letting out a sigh, Gladio pressed his hands against his knees and stood, the sleepiness that had been slapped out of him not so long ago by their dear, sweet liege returning in full force with a bear of a yawn. Holding a hand out to Prompto, indicating that he would not be allowed to sit outside alone any longer to stew in his own thoughts, Gladio hoisted him off the ground with little effort. 

Gladio clapped a hand on his shoulder, the warmth of the older man’s palm against his skin contrasting with the cold that was melting away in his heart. 

“I’m going to run to the lake and back first thing in the morning. Work out the tightness from sitting in that damn car for days.” 

An invitation. An expectation. One that Prompto could not find any desire to refuse. 

“You were looking good out there today, too. Keep forgetting to tell ya that you’re looking much more steady with that new pistol of yours. You’re finally getting that confidence that a king’s retainer needs.”

A praise. One that made his heart swell with pride as Gladio ducked his head down, stepping back into the tent. A whispered, “hurry up before Iggy wakes up” trailed after him, urging Prompto to follow into the warm air of the tent. Gladio laying on his side, facing the fabric walls of the tent, obviously vacating his previous real estate next to Noctis in favor of the much safer corner. Kicking off his boots, Prompto slid in between his two friends, delicately shifting Noctis’s arm out of the way before tucking into a sleeping bag and rolling to face Gladio’s back. 

A back that he could rely on.

Prompto wished that his friends saw him the same.

And maybe they did. He knew they did.

His friends weren’t always the most well spoken.

And the one who was usually didn’t waste his breath on coddling Prompto’s insecurities. 

Because they wanted him here. 

They thought he was strong.

Worthy of their friendship.

Valuable.

They knew who he was, the parts of him that shone through the doubt every day. 

They knew he was the one that was desperate to make them smile. The one that would always have their back, even if the danger was way out of his league. The one who would try to mend their hearts and their bodies with everything he had, and as much as he could.

Reaching out a hand, Prompto pressed his palm against Gladio’s back, the soft, steady beat of the shield’s heart lulling him into sleep even as Noctis rolls into his personal space, his friend slinging a leg over his side in the most awkward (yet highly needed) sleep cuddle Prompto had experienced from the prince to date. Prompto almost wished Ignis would wake up so he could grab his camera and snap a picture to torture Noctis with later. 

With a sigh, Prompto settled into the situation he had found himself in. A culmination of a large number of situations that have landed him with his three favorite people in the whole world, on a seemingly never ending camping trip through the backcountry of Lucis. The loneliness of self-doubt still threatened to chip away at his heart, but he pushed the thoughts away for another night. For at least one more night… as he had everything he had ever wanted. 

Everything he knew he needed. 

Friends. 

A fighting chance. 

And the knowledge that finally, _finally_ , he was in a place where he was needed, wanted, as much as his heart so desperately desired.

**Author's Note:**

> Back, back, back again! I hope everyone is staying safe and staying healthy! We're going back to quarantine part 2 in Texas, so the possibility of me ever getting out of the house again is slim! But I'm okay with that because I've been able to play all of the FFVII remake, and the base game of FFXV! This is my first time really getting in to a game and finishing it (I'm much more of an Animal Crossing and Sims kind of gamer), but I've really grown to love XV and can def see myself picking back up in fic writing so I can participate in this amazingly talented and lovely fandom. Right now, I'm still trying to decide if I should play the dlcs in order of who I love the most or in order of release, so, in the meantime, I hope you enjoyed this!
> 
> I really love Prompto, and enjoy the relationship he has with the other chocobros so much. I got this fic idea in my head after looking through some prompts and finding this quote by Stephen King. 
> 
> "ALONE. YES, THAT’S THE KEY WORD, THE MOST AWFUL WORD IN THE ENGLISH TONGUE. MURDER DOESN’T HOLD A CANDLE TO IT AND HELL IS ONLY A POOR SYNONYM."
> 
> I tend to crack open new fandoms with a sadfic, so this was the perfect perfect opportunity. I was also experiencing some mild frustrations and anxiety myself, having read so many beautiful FFXV fics so far, that I needed encouraging from my friends to even sit down and write anything after being out of the game for almost a year. Despite it being a topic I know has been touched on so many times before, I needed to give these ideas my own spin...and well, that's that! I hope you all enjoyed it! 
> 
> Find me on twitter @_dreyars and tumblr @ebumimasaru & @dreyars


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